Reconnecting was what I wanted to talk about.
In the wake of my now dead relationship, and trying to build the relationships I had before I went travelling, I have gotten in to the spirit of reconnecting. It may or may not also have something to do with my impending 30th birthday….!
But I feel like that’s how I’ve been for the past nearly 12 months – unconnected to anything. I guess it all came to a head in April when the relationship died, but I think I’d been feeling it since just before I left England. I had no connections to family there, my friendships felt tenuous because I pushed people away (although some of the people I met in England and the people I reconnected with there are some of the most beautiful people I know), and then I landed back in the big red land and everyone had moved on. The perpetually single girlfriend was engaged, my best friend was still travelling, and then I moved out to the edge of civilisation where I knew a few people but would never have said I knew them well.
Something clicked in this past month or so. I realised that I was drifting, and I needed to find a tether. I needed to get back on to the jetty of life and start walking back towards people and places I loved. I crave affection and strong emotional links with people, and if I don’t have them, who’s fault is it but my own? So I started dating casually again, getting in touch with old high school friends, remembered to text and call and email. I was cleared by the surgeon and the physio to start walking and exercising again, so I even started reconnecting with my dog as we walk every morning again. It’s amazing how social the dog park can be, for people as well as puppies.
I think this is something I think about every now and then, but I get so lonely in my isolation. So I try to reconnect on surface levels such as facebooking and texting. But this week in particular, I made the effort to SEE people. TALK to people.
Felt so much better.