Hiding from the shadows

I hide my pain.  You can’t see it when you look at me. If you checked my eyes closely enough, you might see how dead they are behind the sparkle of forced gaiety. If you checked the soles of my feet within soft buttery leather, you’d see peeling skin, red-raw and painful.  An escape and … Continue reading →

What the actual F***?

Today I learned of a sad passing.  A person of great influence in my generation, Robin Williams, passed today.  He passed due to an illness that something like 45% of Australians will experience in their lifetime (Beyond Blue, 2014).  He suicided…  A man with unthinkable success and probable fortune couldn’t keep the black dog at … Continue reading →

Thinking about coming out…

I’m thinking about coming out at my work place. There’s a few things holding me back.  There’s one other guy in my department who – despite being an amazing teacher – is never going to be promoted because he has come out.  People constantly see him as nothing more than what he’s come out as. … Continue reading →

Learning to feel

  I had a weird moment today.  I was watching the assembly item at school today and the kids were Bunghra dancing to celebrate vaisahki day, and all of a sudden I burst into tears…  I don’t know why. I don’t know what triggered it off.  I think it might have been the song itself … Continue reading →

I’m still alive

Take 2 – I lost my original post.  However, the crux of it is, I’m still alive.  It’s been a while since I’ve posted, coz stuff’s been a bit hard.  TIG and I broke up – mutual, inevitable, but still painful.  School has been crap – the pressure is on to show progress and justify those … Continue reading →

Duffy’s Song

Enough said.

The invisible disability

I’m in the process of writing a novel, whether it’ll be published or not, about the real experience of depression and mental illness. My dream is that I’ll get other people’s accounts, including my mother’s, other “sufferers” (though I hate that word in association) and carers…  but the bit that I was writing this morning … Continue reading →

Venlafaxine detox – week 2

Day 10 A bit of mania today – nothing too much, just talking really fast and a sense of well-being… which may not, in fact, be mania.  Plus a few brain wobbles.  Knew I was feeling a bit hyped up, though, so bought a lavender candle to try and calm myself down a little. Day … Continue reading →

Something new and scary – and damn enjoyable

I have always had a fear of going to the movies alone.  Why, I’m not entirely sure.  Maybe because it makes me feel like I don’t have enough friends to accompany me, therefore feeding my insecurities about being alone and lonely, but my recent withdrawal from “society” has showed me I probably don’t have that many … Continue reading →

Detox Diary – the way forward, Week 1

Day 5 I woke up so happy today- day 5 and I mostly slept through the night, only waking up once at 2.30 because I was tangled in my sheets.  What’s even better?  No wobbly brain today.  No dead muscles and zappy shocks.  I don’t know if it’s the Benadryl from yesterday, or the Valerian … Continue reading →